Annabeth's Guide On How NOT To Die
by AndiGrantDaughterofNeptune
Summary: Just read the title. If you are a demigod, this guide will probably keep you alive. Probably. Rated T 'cause I don't wanna get sued...
1. Chapter 1

** So... Hai.'Sup. I'm da wereninja, and if you wanna know what that is just read my first story: The Mark Of Athena-My Way. So basically this is just what it sounds like: Annabeth's Guide on How NOT to die, 'cause dying sucks. PLEASE REVIEW! Tell me exactly what you think 'cause i wanna improve. Dont worry about my feelings 'cause low self-esteem is for squares. NO CUSSING IN REVIEWS! So... READ IT. IF YOU DO NOT A GHOST ALIEN WILL EAT YOUR BIRTHDAY CAKE. THIS IS NOT AN IDLE THREAT.**

DISCLAIMER:This is still stupid.****

_I assume that if you're reading this, you've realized you're a demigod. If you are reading this for entertainment purposes only, I envy you. This includes everything you need to survive as a modern demigod. I will tell you everything you need to know. If you follow this guide, you will most likely not die. Again, very likely you won't. In here will be tips on how to kill certain monsters, how to put up with gods who don't particularly like you, and even how to deal with/survive an upset Clarisse. And by the way, I'm Annabeth._

** What you think? I promise the next chapter will be longer; this was just an intro. Please deposit one drachma to Iris-Message me(in other words, write a review and tell me what you think. Now, because I am an odd person, Ihave a few parting words:SPAGHETTI! TWIDDLE! SPECTACLES! *Que British accent* Good day, sirs,madams.*fancy bow and powdered wig***

-Wereninja 


	2. Chapter 2 Weapons

** Im back! And thank you guys so much for the reviews! You guys totally just made my day! The chapters will be shorter than most, but I'll make sure they're all more than four hundred words. Wereninja code of , so I am working on two stories, so I will update every two or three days, just so I have time to edit and everything. If you guys would do me a favor and please read my other story! No one has reviewed and I really need to know how to improve it*sniff sniff sob story* So...Here you go! Oh wait. The stupid disclaimer. DISCLAIMER: There is no way I am putting this for all the chapters. Im sorry bu this is idiotic. Just pretend I'm rolling my eyes.**

First, You must have a WEAPON of some sort. I reccomend keeping one with you at all times. Learn how to fight with as many as you can, because there will come a day when your weapon of choice won't be there. Celestial Bronze is the best metal, but Imperial Gold works too. The first hint on your parentage will be how well you work with the metals. Roman demigods tend to lean towards Imperial Gold, while Greeks tend to use more of Celestial Bronze. Of course, your weapon itself will help... But I'll do more of that later.

" Ow! Percy! What was that for?"

" I wanted to ask something."

"What?"

"Can I help?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Fine."

Ignore that.

"Hey! I heard that!"

Ignore that, too. Anyway, your weapon reflects your personality. Like Clarisse uses her spear La-Maimer. It is violent, scary( to new demigods like yourselves) and you do NOT want to get near it. Yes, no one wants to get near you, Clarisse. Now out of my story! Thank you. Your weapon shouldn't be too heavy, because you won't be able to lift it, or too light, because then you will be off-balance when you try to fight. Your weapon should feel comfortable in your hand and and you should feel confident when you fight. I advise getting in as much practice as you can, because you're going to need it.

- Annabeth(and Percy!)

Awww, Annabeth and Percy are such a cute couple! Don't worry, this will still be Annabeth, but Percy will pop in every now and then, and maybe some other characters. Topic suggestions welcome!until next time,

- Wereninja

Ps. REVIEW! And please read my other story! 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Okay guys... Thanks for all the awesome reviews, but(*Que jersey accent*) I gotsta proposition for yous. I will not update until I get five reviews on my other story. This works out well, really,'cause it gives me time to make the next chapter ninja-worthy. If you can't find it, you can search Wereninja. Thank you! Sorry if this seriously ticks off, but if you don't like it, READ ZE OZZAIR STORY! pleeeaaaassssse. Again, five reviews. ANYONE WHO REVIEWS WILL RECIEVE A PET GARDEN GNOME! Or a pegasus. You can choose. Please don't yell at me over the computer, 'cause I'll yell back and i don't want to ruin our fabulous author/ reader relationship. Plus, I shall wIn the screaming match. I have a megaphone. YOU CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND, SO IF YOU WANNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT READ THE OTHER STORY! See you after five reviews! Dos bedanias! Whatever that means.

- Peace, Wereninja 


	4. Chapter 4 Hera

A/N WERENINJA IS BACK BABY! wooooo! Root beer! Ha, inner party pony right dere. Hola, Senors and Mademoiselles! I am sorry I had to do the review thing, but i have to improve, y'know? Thank you soooooo much to TheCursedOne. You are awesome! How are you cursed, anyway?I know! You are doomed to forever eat only cheesecake! (sorry, got distracted)But anyway, you are awesome. I totally would have updated DAYS ago, but the Internet crashed. So anyway-

*Interrupted by Coach Hedge*

Coach Hedge: Last chapter you said you had a megaphone! Was it mine?

Me:Yes

Coach Hedge: YOU STOLE MY MEGAPHONE, CUPCAKE?

Me: *points at Leo* No, Leo did.

Coach Hedge:*runs off screaming ad waving club*VAAALLLDDDEEEEEZZZZ!

Me: Uh, you might wanna run Leo. Grover ratted you out.

Grover:No I didn't! You di-*muffling noises as I cover his mouth*

On with the story!

HELP! IM BEING MURDERED BY A PHSYCHOTIC GOAT-MAN!

Ignore that.

DISCLAIMER: it's called a DISclaimer for a reason.

Hera This segment's on Hera, so someone else will write it. After all, If you don't have anything nice to say about someone, don't say anything at all. Percy, you wanna take this one?

Percy: Are you kidding? Heck no!

Annabeth:Grover?

Grover:Blaah! Tall! Scary! Tin cans!

Annabeth: Seriously? Tin cans? What does that have to do with Hera?Thalia, you want to try?

Thalia: No.

Annabeth:Leo?

Leo:Two words: TERRIBLE BABYSITTER.

Hazel:Really guys! None of you have anything nice to say about Ju-Hera?

All: *Shake heads 'no'*

Annabeth: Do YOU wanna write about Hera?

Hazel: No way. Hera's meaner than Juno, and I don't wanna get turned into a peacock.

Thalia: Hypocrite

Jason:*shoots dirty look at others* Hera's not that bad. I'll do it. So,

I guess I'm writing this part. The rest of you guys who refuse to do this part, I'm gonna make you say at least something.

*Everyone else groans*

Alright. So some background info.

Annabeth: You dont need to put the background info! They should already know this!

Jason: Its my turn! I'll write what i want! So she's the Queen of the Gods, Goddess of Family and Marriage, husband to Zeus. Her Roman form is Juno. Ka-peesh? So... I advise not getting on her bad side. You do not want to insult her or make her mad. Basically, treat her like you'd treat royalty that can chop off your head, 'cause she is, and she can. Example time. Annabeth's turn!

Annabeth: WHAT? nononononono! *Scuffling noises heard as Percy drags Annabeth* DONT GET ON HER BAD SIDE LEST SHE SENDS COWS AFTER YOU. there. Happy, Jason?

Jason:Yes, yes I am. LEO!

Leo: that lady is whack. Do NOT leave her alone with a small child.

Jason:Um...okay. Percy, your turn.

Percy: I'll pass.

Jason:you can't

Percy:I can and I will.

Jason:Why?

Percy:Hera's standing in the corner. She heard everything we said.

Hera: NOW you notice me.

Hazel: *cringes* don't turn me into a peacock!

Annabeth:Now, EVERYONE OUT OF MY STORY! Yes, you too Hera. I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE MY GRANDMOTHER GET OUT!

-Annabeth(and others)

Now, as Katy Perry once said, " Thank you for believing in my weirdness!" bye! -Wereninja 


	5. Chapter 5Parentage:ARES

A/N Here's anotha chapta! Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: Nico! Do I own PJO?

Nico: obviously not.

Me: Thalia! Do I own the idea?

Thalia:Yes.

Me:Dobby! Do I own the characters?

Dobby:Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.

Piper:Uh, wereninja? Dobby's not in this series.

Me:*dramatic gasp*Piper!You just broke the fourth wall!

Piper:*sarcastically rolls eyes* oh no. I am terrified.

Me: *pouty face* No, Dobby is not in the series, but I like Dobby. He is cute so Dobby stays!

Dobby: Thank you. Wereninja is kind. Would Wereninja like a sock?

Me:No Dobby, I have plenty of socks

Parentage

So. Parentage. Everyone wants to know who their godly parent is. Even if you say you don't, you do. Its the biggest question on the room-like over here.

Frank:Hey!

Your godly parent should claim you before you reach thirteen, but there are always those little hints that can give it example, if you're good with a bow your parent might be Apollo. And then theres what I said earlier about the metals. You probably shouldn't worry about that, since if you are Roman you'll find your way to the Wolf House. But I'll give hints on each of the Olympians. This chapter will be on identifying if your dad is Ares. So, without further ado, here you go.

ARES

You like contact sports. And boxing. And anything that involves weapons. Or beating people up. For example, Clarisse likes WWE, and big guns, and beating up Percy(it doesn't work so well anymore). You most likely get very distracted by shiny things, usually very shiny weapons that can be mistaken for torture devices from the Fields of Punishment.

Clarisse: I am not distracted by shiny things!

Percy: Ooh look, Clarisse! Look how sparkly and deadly L-Maimer is!

Clarisse:Thats not going to work Jacks- Ooohhh, shiny, violent, deadly weapon!

See? Thank you, Percy. Anyway, you will be big and beefy and fairly competent with most weapons.

Clarisse: FAIRLY COMPETENT? MAIMER'S GONNA ELECTRIFY YOU SO HARD THAT YOU'LL BE FEELING SHOCKS IN THE UNDERWORLD,CHASE!

You probably issue challenges like that a lot. If you're claimed, there will be a red, flaming spear over your head.

So if you experience most or any of these symptoms, I advice getting to camp before you die, probably at the hands of some gruesome, ugly, nasty monster.

-Annabeth

TADA! THIRD CHAPTER COMPLETED!

*Que applause. crowd throws roses and i give a fancy bow*

Thank you, thank you! *someone throughs rotten tomato*

Annabeth:*scolds travis* Travis! Why did you throw a tomato at her?

Travis:*shrugs shoulders* I dunno. Why not?

Annabeth:*Face-palm*

- Wereninja( oh, and breaking the fourth wall is when a character realizes they're in a work of fiction. ) 


	6. Chapter 6Hydra

A/N Because I'm just weird like this, I'm gonna post a description of this... person born in my twisted mind. (just imagine im talking as fast as Nudge in Maximum Ride. If you haven't read that series... SHAME ON YOU!)

Okay. There's this Chinese-Guatemalan hitman named Amos Diggory. He has long chartreuse colored hair that he wears in dreadlocks. He has a cheap wristwatch, a Porkpie hat, basketball shorts, Nike shoes, and a referee shirt. He has one blue eye, and the other is a purple glass one that looks suspiciously like a marble. He is a US Army sniper that went rogue. He is currently living in deep Mexico, learning from drug dealers how to turn pesos into bombs.

Percy: Wereninja, that was stupid. I mean, more stupid than usual.

Me: Well, you can't expect my usual brand of stupid. I like to mix it up.

Annabeth: Can start the segment now?

Me: Not till you say the disclaimer.

Annabeth: Can't you?

Me: No. I prefer to blackmail others into doing it for me. Now, SAY IT OR I'LL TELL PERCY ABOUT MR. FLUFFYKINS!

Annabeth: Alright!Alright! Wereninja doesn't own PJO! duh.

Percy: What about a Mr. Fluffykins?

*******My name is Señor Guapo Jose Vacinto Jacinto Dominguez Estevan Bob Ron Juan Junior the Third and I'm an unnecessarily long line break********************************

This chapter will be dedicated to learning how to defeat a... Hydra.

LERNEAN HYDRA Percy:I wanna do this one!

Annabeth:Fine. Besides, I'm reading the BEST book about the architecture of the Eiffel Tower...

Okay. The Hydra TERRIFIED the town of Lerna, back in the day. It would go up to the villagers and with one head, it would be like,' Rawr, I'm a big scary monster!' while another head was like, 'Im gonna eat you!' while two others were playing tug-of-war with a cow and another's all like,'I want a drumstick!' and-

Annabeth:Percy! That's morbid! Just get on with how to kill it!

Fine, if you want to suck all the fun out of it... But anyway, Hercules killed it by fire. You know how if you chop off one head two grow back in it's place? Well, he just burnt the neck whenever he chopped one off. Here's the catch-well, two, actually-

1)it spits poison. 2)One of its heads is immortal.

So even if you chop it off, it'll still be alive. You know, like if you whack off a rattlesnake's head. But once Hercules destroyed the eight heads, he chopped the immortal one, buried it, an threw a rock on it. 'Cause you know, burying it want enough. Of course, you could just do what Clarisse did: Blast it with a cannon. Both options work fine.

-Percy and Annabeth

WOOHHHOOO! 3 chapters in 3 days! Hello I'm awesome who are you?WERENINJA OUT!

-Wereninja 


	7. Chapter 7

A/N NEW CHAPTER TIME!So sorry I took so long! I just got back from vacation barely a week ago. I hope you enjoy this sorta-apology-loonnng-overdue chapter. Bon Appetit!

DISCLAIMER:I do not own .

Piper:*gasp*Do you plan on kidnapping Rick Riordan?

Me:Maybe *evil laugh*

Chapter 7- Surviving Clarisse

Hello, fellow demigods! Today's chapter is dedicated to a topic so instrumental to your survival, a skill extremely valuable to your life: surviving Clarisse.

Leo:If you want to live, continue reading.

Leo! You know you are not allowed in this cabin or to interfere with this after you helped the Stolls put super glue in Cassy's bunk! GET OUT!

Leo:Yeesh! Take a chill pill, Annabeth!

OUT!

Sorry about that. Anyways, Clarisse is a daughter of Ares. She is violent, aggressive, arrogant, proud, and violent. Did I mention violent? When you first get to camp, AVOID HER AT ALL COSTS. Unless, of course, you happen to like swirlies. Percy learned that the hard way.

Percy:What are you talking about? I gave her the toilet shower, not the other way around!

Don't think I forgot; you soaked me too!

Percy:Sorry

Forgiven.

Sadly, she will probably seek you out. Stay with your cabinmates those first couple days. Clarisse has about eight years experience on you, along with a small army of brutal kids and an extremely large arsenal backing her up. Don't be macho and think,'hey! I'm new and gonna make a name for myself by beating Clarisse!' Otherwise, she will (not so nicely) rearrange your face. Another small-but-necessary tidbit of advice: Leave her spear, Maimer(aka Lamer) alooonne, unless you like the smell of barbecue.

Percy:Who's being morbid now?

Shut up and leave!

Percy:That's not very nice

Fine! PLEASE shut up and leave! Better?

Percy:Yes... But can I pleeaasse stay here?

Fine, but only because you gave me those puppy-dog eyes

Anyways... If you make her angry, don't expect any help from me. Being the daughter of wisdom, I don't appreciate stupidity. If you're idiotic enough to make her mad during your first year(and many years after that) you're on your own. It's your fault(and funeral).

*door slams as Stolls rush in*

Connor:ANNABETH!

What now?*sigh*

Travis: We need your help! We drew on Clarisse with a Sharpie Dad gave us while she was sleeping and-

NO!

Percy: Come on

Connor:Thank you! We're saved!

Travis:We won't die to-DAY! We won't die to-DAY!

What kind of dance IS that?

Clarisse:WHERE ARE THEY?!

Uh, Clarisse, you've got a-

Clarisse:DO. NOT. MENTION. THE UNICORN.

And it's sparkl-

Clarisse:SHUT UP!

They just left.

Clarisse: STOLLS!

See what I mean about her and idiots? But no, I will not rat Percy out.

-Annabeth

Soooooo sorry about making you guys wait! Went on vacation to Pennsylvania to visit relatives! I understand if you want to kill me, but please don't. Chapter suggestions welcome!

-Wereninja 


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